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Subject: Magic Sex Shoes
A married couple was on holiday in Pakistan. They were touring around the
marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal
shop. From inside they heard a gentleman with a Pakistani accent say,
"You... foreigners, come in! Come into my humble shop." So the married
couple walked in.
The Pakistani man said to them... " I have some special sandals I think
you'd be interested in. They make you wild at sex like a great desert
camel."
The wife (being the smart woman she was) was really interested in
buying the sandals after what the man had claimed, but her husband (having
the typical male ego) felt he really didn't need them, being the sex hero
(in his mind) that he was...
The husband asked the man... "How could sandals make you into a sex freak?"
The Pakistani man replied..."Why don't you try them on and see for
yourself?"
Well, the husband, after much badgering from his wife, finally conceded to
try them on.
As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes;
something his wife hadn't seen in years - raw sexual power. In a blink of
an eye, the husband rushed the Pakistani man, threw him on a table and
ripped off the man's pants. Unable to break from the attack, the shopkeeper
screamed...
"WRONG FEET... YOU'VE GOT THEM ON THE WRONG FEET."
A 15-year old boy was lying on a stretcher with his mother sitting next to him.
The boy was coming down from "crank" (methamphetamine) that he had injected into
his veins with needles he had been sharing with his friends. Concerned about this the
doctor asked the boy if there was anything he might have been doing that put him at risk
for AIDS.
The boy thought for a while then said questioningly "I've been fucking the
dog?"
Jack went into an Urologist and told him that he was having a problem, in that he was
unable to get his penis erect. After a complete exam the doctor told Jack that the
muscles around the base of his penis were damaged from a prior viral infection and there
was nothing he could do for him. However, he knew of an experimental treatment that might
be applicable, if Jack were willing to take the risk. The treatment consisted of
implanting muscle tissue from an elephant’s trunk in Jack's penis.
Jack thought about it for a while. The thought of going through life without ever
experiencing sex again was just too much for him to bear. So, Jack decided to do it. A few
weeks after the operation, Jack was given the green light to
use his newly renovated equipment. He planned a romantic evening with his girlfriend and
took her to one of the nicest restaurants in the city. However, in the middle of dinner he
felt a stirring between his legs that continued to the point of being painful. To release
the pressure, Jack unzipped his fly and immediately his penis sprung from his pants went
to the top of the table, grabbed a roll, then returned to his pants. His girlfriend was
stunned at first, but then with a sly smile on her face said: "Jack that was
incredible. Can you do it again?" Jack, with his eyes watering, replies: "I
think I can, but I'm not sure that I can fit another roll in my ass."
Mel and his wife are walking down Main Street one evening. They stop at a jewelry store
window. She says, "Mel, I'd love those diamond earrings." He says, "no
problem," and takes a brick out of his pocket, smashes the window, and gets the
earrings for her. They walk away hastily and soon come upon another jewelry store. In the
window, there is this gorgeous diamond ring, and the wife says, "Mel, oh please,
please, please, get me that ring." He looks around, sees there's nobody around, takes
a brick out of his pocket and hurls it at the window. Now she's got the earrings and this
great ring, and they walk away ... until they come to yet another jewelry store. There's
this fantastic diamond necklace in the window. She starts begging, "Mel, Mel, just
look at it. I need it!" He looks at her and says
"Whaddaya think, I'm made out of bricks?"
A woman had been dating a doctor for a short while when she became
pregnant. The couple didn't know what to do. About nine months later, just about the time
she was going to give birth, a priest went into the hospital for a prostate gland
infection. The doctor told the woman, "I know what we'll do. After I've operated on
the priest, I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle." "Do you
think it will work?" she asked the doctor. "It's worth a try," he said. So
the doctor delivered the baby and then operated on the priest. After the operation he went
in to the priest and said, "Father, you're not going to believe this!"
"What?" asked the priest. "What happened?" "You gave birth to a
child!" "But that's impossible!" cried the priest. "I just did the
operation," insisted the doctor. "It's a miracle! Here's your baby."
About fifteen years go by, and one day the priest realizes that he must tell his son the
truth. One day he sits the boy down and says, "Son, I have something to tell you. I'm
not your father." The son said, "What do you mean, you're not my father?"
The priest replied, "I'm your mother. The archbishop is your father."